5,742 Days: A Mother's Journey Through Loss

5,742 Days: A Mother's Journey Through Loss

Anne-Marie Cockburn

Language: English

Pages: 166

ISBN: 1908984244

Format: PDF / Kindle (mobi) / ePub

On 20th July 2013 15-year-old Oxford schoolgirl Martha Fernback died suddenly after swallowing half a gram of Mdma powder, more widely known as ecstasy. Within hours her mother, Anne-Marie Cockburn, began to write down her feelings as a way to channel her shock and try to make sense of the tragic loss of her only child.From an early age Anne-Marie has used writing to try to make sense of her life. This recent tragedy propelled her out of the shadows and gave her the confidence to share her writing with the world. In this book we join her in real time on her shocking and agonising journey, as she deals with the impractical demands placed upon a grieving single parent, begins to cope with the realities of life on her own and faces up to a future she could never have predicted. From the moment Martha died, Anne-Marie recognised that she still had a future, a life to live. This revealing, emotional and, ultimately, uplifting book shows how she used the art of writing, combined with determined self-belief, to guide her during this terrible time.


Schapelle: Evidence Facts Truth

Romancing Opiates: Pharmacological Lies and the Addiction Bureaucracy

Orphan Drugs and Rare Diseases

Confessions of an English Opium Eater (Penguin Classics)















used to the early days of being a new mother. With each step I take on this bizarre journey I move cautiously towards the new chapter. I’m not ready to finish this chapter yet, but at some point I’ll bravely turn that page and with a deep sigh I’ll just know that it’s time. Tuesday 27th August: Day 38 My eyes feel blurry this morning as I look out at the clouds, which are blankets of greys and various shades of white. Perhaps summer is over, or perhaps there are still a few unexpected lovely

planet, her death has shown that. She was far from perfect, but that makes this even more poignant – people like to relate to others, flaws and all. Martha wasn’t a saint, so her flaws help other people, especially her teenage friends, to feel her loss even more acutely. Tuesday 17th September: Day 59 Yesterday was a good day, in that I felt OK for the majority of the day. I always have the odd moment, but it’s more gentle on me now, it doesn’t leave me in agony. The pains in my stomach and

so I must find this steadiness within myself. You can never replace the one you lost, it’s a truly impossible task. So I fill my time up, full to the brim. It cascades over the top and I stare at the mess on the floor with disdain. See, that’s what a full life can look like under my circumstances. It’s too much to contend with; a full and happy life ahead seems daunting and unnatural to me now. The thing most people strive and hope for is the opposite to what would comfort me. I’m swimming

depends on what I’m focusing on at the time. I had started teaching Martha to celebrate the differences between herself and her friends, rather than it always being about similarities. She’d get frustrated at times when her friends didn’t get her point of view, and I’d explain that their opinions are important to them and are just as valid. Whether they agreed or not was immaterial as it’s good to respect different viewpoints, rather than think that yours is the only opinion that matters. She

interesting if tears were in different colours to denote why you’re crying: red for bereavement; blue for a broken heart; green for joy etc. A rainbow of emotions, drip, drip – red one minute, green the next; tears breaking out and cleansing me, their bid for freedom from this crippled soul. I imagine them falling and evaporating; the sun shines and the moisture is drawn up into the sky, rainbow clouds appear and rainbow showers fall to water our gardens. These colourful rivers cascade, carving

Download sample


Comments are closed.