Cthulhu Comes to the Vampire Kingdom

Cthulhu Comes to the Vampire Kingdom

Cameron Pierce

Language: English

Pages: 188

ISBN: 1936383950

Format: PDF / Kindle (mobi) / ePub


Franz and Lola are vampires in love. They live in a cottage near the sea with their little vampire baby.

Burn Girl is a lonely girl who walks along the bottom of the sea, constantly on fire. The water doesn't put her fire out or soothe her burns. It only makes her feel like she's wearing an itchy wool sweater.

Bruno is the buffest vampire. He is building Muscle Island, a floating fortress comprised of mussels.

The Vampire Science Council has been working for centuries to prevent the depletion of their arctic planet's blood supply, but the blood has finally run out.

Cyrus Lugosi's friends want to slaughter him as part of a ritual sacrifice that will raise Cthulhu from his tomb at the bottom of the sea. There are just two problems: The closest thing to the Necronomicon they've got is a unicorn coloring book, and Cthulhu is more interested in his quest for the perfect hamburger.

Their fates will converge when Cthulhu Comes to the Vampire Kingdom.

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to throw these televisions into Tokyo Bay, to electrocute Cthulhu and everyone aboard Floating World, but on the way they ran by a feline café (one of those places where you can go to pet cats in Japan, because people in Japan cannot own cats). This ignited a spark of brilliance in the fractured mind of one former restaurant owner. Passing the feline café, he shouted for all his fellow foodies to hear, “What are televisions without cats?” They halted in their tracks, gave up a great big cheer,

and robbed the café of all its cats. With cats and televisions in tow, they made their way down to Tokyo Bay. They broke out the screens of the televisions and stuffed the cats inside, as if giving new life to the broken televisions by implanting furry guts. Before the police who were now gathered could stop them, the critics and restaurant owners and chefs heaved the cat-filled televisions into the bay, and a great electric meow rose up from the deep. This was how the elites of Japan’s food

tone that she did not want him to answer this question, so he nodded acquiescently and lifted the heavy suitcases. “I’m not carrying these all the way underground, you know,” Franz said on his way out the door. “If Cthulhu rises, you won’t have to.” Even though Franz was walking in front of Lola, he could sense the listen or fuck off smile on her face. He loved her listen or fuck off smile. It never failed to make him feel like jumping her bones. The world was ending and he could think of no

belly. He dribbled blood onto the open face of the Necronomicon. He and Lola leaned over the book, waiting for something to happen. “Maybe it wants more blood,” Lola shrugged. She scooped blood into her cupped palms and spilled it over the book. Still, nothing happened. “Maybe we were supposed to kill the virginal firstborn ourselves,” Franz said. “Do you think the Necronomicon knows the difference?” “It seems pretty thorough,” Franz said, thumbing the pages of the thick, flesh-bound book.

words fell dead. The sinister message that they formed left Franz and Lola silent. Saint Caution, his dim panic, fled into a box of dead beliefs. Now the squid god returns for the sad-faced husband, Saint Caution. There will be no asylum. No escape behind the narrow houses. No escape in the sepulcher of the sea. No escape between the pages of the flesh-bound book. No escape underground. Death is a monolith of faces, winged and all-seeing. Saint Caution unearthed the silence. Now the squid

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