Everybody into the Pool: True Tales

Everybody into the Pool: True Tales

Beth Lisick

Language: English

Pages: 240

ISBN: 0060834269

Format: PDF / Kindle (mobi) / ePub


Beth Lisick started out as a homecoming princess with a Crisco-aided tan and a bad perm. And then everything changed. Plunging headlong into America's deepest subcultures, while keeping both feet firmly planted in her parents' Leave It to Beaver values, Lisick makes her adult home on the fringe of mainstream culture and finds it rich with paradox and humor. On the one hand, she lives in "Brokeley" with drug dealers and street gangs; on the other, she drives a station wagon with a baby seat in the back, makes her own chicken stock, and attends ladies' luncheons. How exactly did this suburban girl-next-door end up as one of San Francisco's foremost chroniclers of alternative culture? Lisick explains it all in her hilarious, irreverent, bestselling memoir, Everybody into the Pool.

Fans of David Sedaris and Sarah Vowell will relish Lisick's scathingly funny, smart, very real take on the effluvia of daily living. No matter what community she's exposing to the light, Lisick always hits the right chord.

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EVERYBODY INTO THE POOL TRUE TALES BETH LISICK TO RON & ANNE LISICK CONTENTS FIRST, LET ME EXPLAIN 1 GREETINGS FROM OUR SPECIAL BUBBLE 2 LADIES’ LUNCHEON 3 DIDN’T I ALMOST HAVE IT ALL? 4 NUNS IN TROUBLE 5 MY WAY OR THE BI-WAY 6 ALTERNATIVE CYBER-COLUMN 7 THE ONE 8 A BED AND A BREAKFAST 9 BROKELEY 10 CIRCLING THE WAGONS 11 THE LOWLY HUSTLE 12 SKIPPIN’ OVER THE OCEAN LIKE A STONE 13 LITTLE BUNDLE OF ENTROPY ACKNOWLEDGMENTS ABOUT THE

package underneath it, you’re going to be miffed if your ticket doesn’t go in the right can.” “Can?” I asked. “What can?” She suddenly stopped shifting her eyes and looked us all over, one at a time. “Follow me.” She led us over to a table where Sister Dorothy and the other nun were arranging coffee cans and raffle tickets. “Each time you sell a ticket, you write down which tree the person is buying the ticket for. The trees are clearly marked. Tree one is Rock-and-Roll Tree, tree two is Pink

the latest trend to make it from the streets of New York to the malls of America. As I watch a sophisticated, urban waif perusing the juice selection at Dean and Deluca, it makes me drool with pleasure to know that in about one month, thirteen-year-old girls from Bakersfield to Bangor will be removing their retainers to vomit in junior high bathrooms, wearing blouses with similar earth-toned embroidery and gathered pouf shoulders. Let’s talk about the difference between keeping it simple and

feel somewhat validated by this process. Everyone seems to place a lot of value on having an “old soul,” and now it looked like I could join the club. Although I was perfectly prepared to stick around awhile and analyze what we’d just been through together, Greta looked as though she might have another appointment. Getting up to show me out, she said, “It’s so refreshing to regress someone who doesn’t need therapy at all.” Then the door quietly clicked shut. Still a little dazed, I walked

and there were yellow flakes of cradle cap on his head, which I had given up trying to comb out weeks ago because I couldn’t take the screaming. Some website said it would eventually fall out on its own, and I chose to believe that. Thankfully, his baby acne had mostly disappeared, except for intense eruptions on each of his cheeks that made him look like he’d been dusted with theatrical rouge ground from pebbles. His tiny micro-fleece booties, a gift from someone who’d been convinced we were

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