Gleefully Macabre Tales

Gleefully Macabre Tales

Jeff Strand

Language: English

Pages: 265

ISBN: 1626410674

Format: PDF / Kindle (mobi) / ePub


Jeff Strand is the author of a bunch of demented books, including PRESSURE, DWELLER, A BAD DAY FOR VOODOO, WOLF HUNT, SINGLE WHITE PSYCHOPATH SEEKS SAME, BENJAMIN'S PARASITE, FANGBOY, THE SINISTER MR. CORPSE, and lots of others. Three-time Bram Stoker Award finalist. Three-time Bram Stoker Award loser. Four-time Bram Stoker Award Master of Ceremonies.

Strand is perhaps best known for his skill at balancing humorous and horrific elements in one tale. Socially Awkward Moments with an Aspiring Lunatic showcases that rare talent wonderfully.
This story is gross, funny, scary, and just plain disturbing. Jeff Strand is brilliant and he should be locked away.
Bust-your-gut funny. Strand isnt only off his rocker here, hes out of his freakin mind!
Author Strand has the delightful ability to ladle out laughter and horror in heaping helpings, and these stories offer both fun and fear in equally large doses.

Gleefully Macabre Tales

Ready to find an efficient way to unload the truck filled with dead babies? In the mood to giggle at the sight of your own blood? Well, ladies and gentlemen, my ghoulishly funny short story collection, Gleefully Macabre Tales, is now available!

Tales include…

“Disposal” (new to the paperback edition–previously published as a stand-alone hardcover)

“Really, Really Ferocious” (the infamous “wiener dog” story)

“Socially Awkward Moments With An Aspiring Lunatic” (from the long-sold-out chapbook)

“Them Old West Mutations” (just a good old-fashioned “giant man-eating cockroaches in the Old West” yarn)

“One of Them” (a young boy visits a most unpleasant carnival freak show indeed…)

“Roasting Weenies by Hellfire” (sort of like Home Alone, but with lots of splatter, a zombie, and the devil)

A grisly and disturbing version of “The Three Little Pigs” “Mr. Sensitive” (a leg-crossing, cringe-inducing cautionary tale)“BrainBugs” (they’re in there…squirming around…)
“The Socket” (sorry…this one’s sick!)

“Special Features” (it may be the last DVD commentary track you ever listen to)

“Werewolf Porno” and “Sex Potion #147″ (from the sold-out chapbook Funny Stories of Scary Sex)

Gracious! There’s even more…

A couple of serious tales: “Glimpses” and “Abbey’s Shriek”

A double feature of holiday silliness: “Howard, the Tenth Reindeer” and “Howard Rises Again”

A transcript of my 2006 and 2007 World Horror Convention Gross-Out Contest entries (complete with embarrassed author commentary)

And there’s even more amusing depravity! “High Stakes.” “Wasting Grandpa.” “A Bite for a Bite.” “Bad Coffee.” “An Admittedly Pointless But Mercifully Brief Story With Aliens In It.” “Munchies.” “I Hold the Stick.” “Scarecrow’s Discovery.” “Cap’n Hank’s Five Alarm Nuclear Lava Wings.” “The Bad Candy House.” And yes, even more! (Six more, actually.)

Not to mention a few pages of story notes at the back of the book, for those of you who are into that sort of thing.

Previously published as a 300-copy hardcover limited edition by Delirium Books.

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all been prepared beforehand, in case of incompetent burglars. He took a deep breath to calm himself, then cautiously moved up the wooden stairs, plucking out his facial nails along the way. A couple of them were rusty. Wonderful. He certainly didn’t need a case of tetanus on top of all of this. Turning the corner, he saw Hector standing at the end of the hallway, in front of a large window. Dozens of marbles were on the floor in front of him. "I’m not going to hurt you," Charlie insisted. "I

It’s not like you can retire to a desert island with a harem of nubile nymphos on that kind of score, but it’s really not about the money. It’s about the thrill of pointing your gun in somebody’s face and scaring ’em shitless. It’s fun. You should try it. On the night when everything in my life turned to absolute frozen-crap-on-a-stick, I was down to two bucks and fifty-three cents. Though my needs in this world are minimal, they do include an Extra Value Meal every once in a while, so I walked

renegotiating." "Not gonna happen." "Four six-hour sessions, with a quickie in advance." "No." "Why not?" "Because I said no. Four six-hour sessions, and you have to use them up within a week. That’s my final offer." "What if I find a friend for us?" "No." "Prude." "Then leave," she said. "You’re clearly not interested, so just get out of here. You probably couldn’t get it up anyway." I chuckled. "You think that insulting my manhood is going to change my mind?"

of set design. We added a couple of things, but what you’re seeing here is pretty much the real-life garage." "And we couldn’t afford a set designer." "Yeah, that too." "Great pan here by our director of photography, Gary Lawson. We didn’t have access to a Steadicam—" "We didn’t even have a dolly track." "Right, no dolly track or anything like that, so it was just Gary scooting along on his knees to get the shot." "Although we did sweep up the floor so he wouldn’t get any nails

this appeared alongside "Sex Potion #147" in Funny Stories of Scary Sex, my mom elected not to purchase a copy. For that I am grateful. I actually read this story in front of a live audience once and about three paragraphs in I really wished that I’d picked another story. That was a long twenty minutes. An Admittedly Pointless But Mercifully Brief Story With Aliens In It I won a $50 computer game (Stupid Invaders) by entering it in a contest, so it wasn’t all that pointless, now was

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