Hullawrerr China!: The Best of Francie and Josie

Hullawrerr China!: The Best of Francie and Josie

Rikki Fulton

Language: English

Pages: 128


Format: PDF / Kindle (mobi) / ePub

Francie & Josie began their incredible career at the Alhambra Theatre in Glasgow in 1958. Originally brought to life by Stanley Baxter, it was to be the partnership of Rikki Fulton and Jack Milroy that brought Francie & Josie fame and fortune. Enough to buy a few fish suppers, anyway. Hullawrerr China! is a collection of Francie and Josie's funniest moments from their many years in showbusiness - including the original version of the legendary Arbroath sketch. And as Francie & Josie said themselves - 'we have perspired thegether to make a pair of spectacles of wurselves, foisted wurselves on a highly expectorant public and we are taking the opperchancity to present before your very eyes a production which for sheer hypocrisy and slite-of-hand will live forever in the annuals of all maternity.'

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interval mainly because there isnae one, and also in vue of the fact that we have lost the tea bag. We hope most perversely that youse enjoy yoursels the night, cos Francie and me likes nothing worse than to see folk suffer. Yours faithfully, Francie & Josie P.S. Please excuse pencil. GIVE ’EM A JOKE! A FEW OF FRANCIE & JOSIE’S FAVOURITES … THE D.H.S.S. Francie: (Menacingly) NEXT! How-can-Ah-help-ye? Josie: Ah’m gonnae be a single parent. Francie: You look mair like a single fish. Josie:

… which one? Teenager: I think it was … (scans letter) … yes, it was The Benevolent Fund for Aged and Decrepit … NYAFFS! Mom: I see … they must be nice boys if they collect for charity. Teenager: Oh they’re swell Mom … and do you know they live in a penthouse the same as we do. Mom: Really? Teenager: Ye-es … only they don’t call it a penthouse … Mom: No? Teenager: No-o … (scans letter) … they call it a SINGLE – END! And it’s right in the most exclusive part of Glasgow … a place called COW –

juice got to do wi’ it? Josie: God help us. Entente cordiale isnae lime juice. Francie: Well, whit is it, then? Josie: Well, it’s a … a … a kinna … sometimes there’s a certain … where a lotta people gather … Maybe it is lime juice. Proprietor: Ladies and gentlemen, the lovely – GABRIELLE. There is applause and Gabby and a male dancer start to perform an Apache dance. As the dance progresses, however, Francie & Josie take exception to the way that Gabrielle is apparently being molested. Francie:

They never turned round tae see who it wis. Francie: Naw. Just walked straight on tae the floor, turned roon and pit her arms up ready tae go. Josie: That’s right. Mind we used tae go roon the back, tap them on the elba an’ just staun’ there. An’ she went stottin’ on tae the dance floor, turned roon wi’ her arms in the air an’ there wis naebody there. C’mon, let’s do the Dance Hall Patter. For demonstration purposes only, you, china, will play the part of the burd. Francie: Aw, naw, Josie. Ah’m This electronic edition published in 2014 ISBN: 978 1 84502 921 0 in EPub format ISBN: 978 1 84502 071 2 in paperback format Copyright � Rikki Fulton, Stan Mars 2005 The right of Rikki Fulton and Stan Mars to be identified as the authors of this work has been asserted by them in accordance with the Copyright, Designs and Patents Act 1988. All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system, or transmitted in any

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