My Boring-Ass Life (New Edition): The Uncomfortably Candid Diary of Kevin Smith

My Boring-Ass Life (New Edition): The Uncomfortably Candid Diary of Kevin Smith

Kevin Smith

Language: English

Pages: 512

ISBN: 184856497X

Format: PDF / Kindle (mobi) / ePub


Anything but boring, Kevin Smith shares his x-rated thoughts in his diary, telling all in his usual candid, heartfelt and irreverent way!

Kevin Smith pulls no punches in this hard-hitting, in-your-face exposé of, er, his rather dull and uneventful life… well, not always dull. In between watching his TiVo, he manages to make and release Clerks II, relate the story of his partner-in-crime Jason Mewes’ heroin addiction... and get caught stealing donuts from Burt Reynolds.

Thrown in are his views on the perils of strip clubs, the drawback of threesomes, the pain of anal fissures, his love-affair with Star Wars and so much more! Adults Only!

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as she was counting on wearing that dress for the party. She goes into damage control mode and jumps off the phone. Get home and find Jen tearing apart her closet, looking for a dress to wear. I lay on the bed and play more Batman, ‘til I hit the final level and can’t beat the Scarecrow. Jen comes out wearing a gorgeous dress I’ve never seen before, which she reveals she bought when we went to Japan, back in ‘03 and hasn’t worn yet. She looks truly dazzling, and I give the outfit the thumbs-up.

don’t wanna hear about anything less than one hundred percent better in a few hours, if not “After I tap you with this magic wand, your asshole will not only be instantly healed, but from now on, it’ll periodically release a pleasant scent that’s a natural aphrodisiac.” And failing magical cures, where are all the Star Trek healing lasers and shit? We’re in the 21st fucking century, people! I wanna walk into a doctor’s office, lay on the table, and say “Bones, run that light-thingee over my

told the dealer that they had to make the exchange quickly, as “Kevin’s watching me from the house.” The dealer didn’t know I wasn’t home, but since the customer was always right, he palmed the bag of dope and extended it out of the driver’s side window of the car toward Jason. Instead of doing the same with the money and shaking hands to make the dope swap, Mewes tossed the crumpled three dollar bills across the dealer into the passenger seat, snatching the dope from the man’s hand in the

answer for that except “What do we do about The Screamer?” And after a moment’s fancy of the Asbury Park Press headline that might read “Clerks-Guy Has Fan Rolled by Cops”, I say to Walt: “Let’s move the sign. Put it at the end of the two hundred people.” “You’re kidding,” Walt sputters. “I don’t see what else we can do.” “We’re gonna be here ‘til the wee hours.” “If we’re lucky.” We weren’t lucky. It wound up being a thirteen-hour signing. It broke our previous record, set September ‘04, when

tomorrow. Jen gets up and we chit-chat, having some smokes. Today, we’re going to Pony Camp with Harley, Byron and Gail, so we’ve gotta take showers and be on the road by eleven. The five of us make the forty-five minute trek out to the boonies, almost near the US border. Since the entire Catch production has the day off due to Canada Day, Susannah and Jenno are out there with their kids as well. We all chit-chat, then wait while the kids decorate and dress up their ponies. I do a few laps

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