The Amateurs: A Novel

The Amateurs: A Novel

John Niven

Language: English

Pages: 400

ISBN: 0061875899

Format: PDF / Kindle (mobi) / ePub


The Times (London)

“A novel about golf that is not only hilarious, but gripping, sexy, violent, and outrageous. . . . Niven combines his increasingly bizarre plots, and some shocking behavior, with considerable skill and, of course, large helpings of humor.”
The Mirror

From Kill Your Friends author John Niven, The Amateurs is a side-splitting and whip-smart examination of golf, infidelity, and how little white balls make some men insane.

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posing, as the ball came falling down. ‘P-TANG!’ – the hollow sound of the ball clanging off rusted metal reverberated around the empty range as Gary’s wedge found its target: the roof of the Land Rover, a piece of metal not much more than five foot square. He did it again. And again. And again. After he’d hit the thing six times he sat down heavily. What was going on here? Maybe just the break, the time away from the game. Sometimes you played really well when you hadn’t hit the ball for a

himself as Bert walked over to join his friends behind the tee box. Word went round. A dozen or so members were drinking in the bar when Forbes – red-faced from running for the first time in a decade – burst in through the double doors that led to the locker room. ‘Derek!’ said Senga the barmaid. ‘Whit the hell’s the matter?’ ‘It’s, he’s . . .’ Forbes spluttered, fighting for breath. ‘Christ, take it easy, bud. Here, huv a whisky . . .’ ‘He’s just eagled the tenth! Ten under par now!’

the first time in his life. Not an air pistol or a replica. A. Real. Fucking. Gun. It felt oily and cold, and gripping it tightly did not bring the excitement Lee had thought it might. Only fear. He opened the envelope and took the photo out – a woman, fat, blonde, middle-aged, smiling for the camera, a close head and shoulders shot, taken in a restaurant somewhere. She looked happy. Lee pushed away the thought of how happy she was going to look with a fucking bullet hole in her coupon. He

Pauline said. ‘What happened to her?’ Gary asked. ‘Mmm?’ ‘The girl. What happened to her?’ ‘Oh, she died.’ Fuller said this in exactly the same tone he might have used for ‘she’s fine’. Robertson closed his eyes. ‘But, but,’ Fuller said, ‘there are several documented cases of patients making a full recovery. You see, I think there’s a good chance that you may be suffering from a relatively mild form of Kluver-Bucy syndrome known as post-traumatic KBS. There’s a good chance you’ll make a

feet of the flag. And he was sinking every putt in sight. Three birdies in the first four holes. Linklater – perhaps figuring that as long he kept within striking distance then Gary was bound to fall apart under the pressure sooner or later – wasn’t trying anything spectacular and made four safe solid pars. The net result: here they were on the fifth with Gary three strokes ahead of the world number one. ‘And I don’t think anyone was expecting this,’ Daventry said as the TV showed the two

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