The Monster Book of NSFW Jokes: The Most Hilarious, Outrageous and Raunchy Humor from Funny.com

The Monster Book of NSFW Jokes: The Most Hilarious, Outrageous and Raunchy Humor from Funny.com

Language: English

Pages: 400

ISBN: 1569759782

Format: PDF / Kindle (mobi) / ePub


Hilariously Funny Off-Color Jokes That Are Absolutely NOT SAFE FOR WORK

Funny.com brings you the most raunchy, inappropriate and politically incorrect jokes to share with your coworkers when the boss isn’t around. From blondes and brunettes to politicians and proctologists, this collection of twisted jokes has something to offend everyone. So if you e-mail one to a friend, don’t forget to label it NSFW.

How do you break the nose of a blonde?
You place a dildo under a glass table.

What’s a blonde’s favorite nursery rhyme?
Humpme Dumpme.

What do attorneys use for birth control?
Their personalities.

What’s the difference between a girlfriend and a wife?
Forty-five pounds.

What’s the difference between a boyfriend and a husband?
Forty-five minutes.

Why is it so hard for a woman to find a sensitive, caring and good-looking boyfriend?
Because those men already have boyfriends.

Why are hurricanes normally named after women?
Because when they come, they’re wild and wet, and when they go, you’ve lost your house and car.

What’s the difference between a New York zoo and an Alabama zoo?
The cages at the Alabama zoo have a description of the animal plus a recipe.

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a reasonable request, and after opening the bag and seeing bundles of $1,000 bills, which amounted to approximately S3 million dollars, be telephoned the bank president's secretary for an appointment for the lady. The woman was escorted upstairs and ushered into the president's office. Introductions were made, and she stated that she liked to get to know people she did business with on a more personal basis. The president then asked her bow she came into such a large sum of cash . "Was it

parents take their son on a vacation and go to a nude beach. The father goes for a walk on the beach and the son goes and plays in the water. The son comes running up to his mom and says, "Mommy, I saw ladies with boobies a lot ''4 HolldaysjVa.cat1ons bigger than yours! " The mom says, "The bigger they are, the dumber they are." So he goes back to play. Several minutes later, he comes running back and says, "Mommy, I saw men wi th di ngers a lot bigger than daddy's!" The mom says, "The bigger

house in the di stance. They all accuse him of seeing a mirage until they get a little closer and realize there is a bouse all alone in the middle of the desert. They run to the bouse seeking shelter and nourishment. They ring the doorbell of the hou se, and a huge, ugly, nas ty bllch answers the door. This chick has more rolls J74 Holldays(Vacations than the day-old bread rack . Th ey all cower in terror. One gathers the courage to speak, and says, " May we please have some water?" The woman

brain. 19. People would foUow you any where, but only out of morbid curiosity. 20. I don't mind that you are ta lking, so long as you don't mind that I'm not listening. 21 . I don't co nsider you a vulture . I consider you something a vulture w ould ea t . 22. I feel sorry for you because you are so homely but I feel e ven sorrier for other p eople because they have to look at you . 23. I know you're a self-made man. It's n ice of you to take t he blame. 24. I know you're not as stupid as you

hate him and I seriously injured him, so they're putting me to sleep." The boxer asks the poodle, " What are you in here for?" Th e poodle says, "Well, usually I' m a good dog, but when I eat my food, my owner's baby sticks his finger in my food and I have to bite him for it. And 1 seriously injured him, so t h ey're putting me to sleep today." Then, the boxer and poodle look at the Great Dane, - a nd this thing is five times b igger than both of them- and they say, " Dang! What are you in here

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